Don’t keep looking for it!

There’s an enormous difference between deciding to be happy and looking to your spouse, your children, your animals, your neighbourhood, your car, your vacation, your spending ability etc. etc to ‘make’ you happy.

It would be fine to look for happiness – were it a comodity to be found and taken.  But it isn’t.  There’s groundwork to be done.  This groundwork comes naturally to some, but the good news is that, with a little extra work in the correct direction, happiness is at everyone’s fingertips.  The first step is that you must want to be happy – or happier – and be ready to  work in that direction.

Everything we do consciously has consequences, whether we’re aware of them or not.  The law of cause and effect is ever vigilant, even in the smallest of our everyday actions.  For example, if we notice a beautiful garden, a nice cloud configuration, or the way someone is dressed perfectly for an occasion, we also feel tiny moments of gratification.  The more there are, the happier the individual’s base line.  Another example is to make a point of smiling or saying something nice to someone in passing.  The odds are they’ll smile back and appreciate this little act of kindness or respect - the effects are felt immediately by both parties. 

Going around angry with the world, ready to “fight back” when adversities occur, is also a mind set – it’s an attitude which one can have or resist.  Everyone has “off” days or moments – but it’s important to make sure there are enough gratifying moments in each day to offset the adversities.  Research suggests there should be 3 or 4 positive events for every adversity, since the latter usually gives rise to much stronger sentiments.

There are those who would argue that going around with the idea of being happy and bringing others happiness is a sign that the person is not aware of how bad his plight in life is.  Others orgue that only those with a Pollyanna optimistic attitude, regardless of the reality of the situation, say they are regularly happy.  Others simply do not permit themselves to say they’re happy – they prefer to believe that the period when everything goes right will come to an end…

I cannot state strongly enough that true happiness is about realism and it is about doing the correct things to make this state happen and to feel it!  There are all sorts of exercises that can be done on a daily basis which without doubt increase the level of happiness in any willing individual. 

Happiness does not need to depend on outer conditions.  Things do not necessarily have to go “perfectly” for someone to enjoy a state of well-being deep within.  People do not have to behave well for others to feel love towards them.

A healthy internal state of being needs to recognise that external happenings are events with which we interact.  We can exert control over some events.  Others we can exert no control over.  Other still are random.  Remember the prayer of Serenity:

God, give me the serenity to accept that which I cannot change,
Give me the courage to change that which I can,
And give me the wisdom to know the difference.

We can and should be happy as possible.  Our lives are partly destined by our dna – but mostly are the result of our decisions.  We choose to exercise and eat a balance diet – or not.  We choose to have a stong social support network, or not.  We choose to be primarily optimistic – or not.  We can also choose to be happy – or not.

If we continue to vaguely “look for” happiness, we may end up wondering what went wrong…

Norma Piras